Why Black Women Will Never Marry
So many people have opinions on why black women aren’t getting married and usually it focuses on some version of black women need to stop being loud, prudish, god digging bitches who don’t understand what men want and expect their degrees to make them desirable mates.
The reality is the truth is a lot more simple and less “controversial” than most mainstream articles would let you believe. Black women have the power to have the lives and the men they want, it’s just a matter of changing from a victim mentality to a proactive one. We are desirable women, and it’s high time we start acting like it.
1. You’re Waiting for God to Bring You a Man
If I hear one more black woman say, “Oh I’m just waiting on the Lord to bring me a man” I will pimp slap the shit out of her. Did you wait on the Lord to bring you that degree you’re so proud of? No? So why do think it’s the Lord’s job to bring you a man? I know women who are “waiting on the Lord;” to bring them a man, they are also 50-plus, perpetually single and haven’t had sex in over 20 years.
If you’re serious about finding a husband then you have to treat it like you would finding a job. The Lord is not some cosmic UPS man who specializes in husband delivery. Once upon a time in the black community moms, grandmoms, aunties and married cousin would set out to find a suitable spouse for their unmarried relatives. Many cultures still do this, we don’t and because of that it is now up to you to take the bull by the horns and find your husband. Seriously, if all you’re doing is going to work (or school), going home and going to church what makes you think you’re ever going to find a man to date let alone marry?
2. You Think Relationships are Fairytales
Disney is the devil. They watered down the Grimm’s Fairytales and turned into simple, sanitized tales on love, romance and marriage that have been screwing up women for generations. The reality is there is a reason fairytales end at “Happily Ever After.” The reality of marriage isn’t all rainbows, sunshine, and shooting stars and that’s okay. Too many women have these lists of what the perfect man will look like and won’t even think about “settling,” even if it means passing up a perfectly good man.
So in your 20’s you won’t settle, in your 30’s you may decide one kid is okay and in your 40’s you’re just hoping he’s single and has a head full of hair. Instead of finding the right man for you, you spend your time looking for a man that doesn’t even exist and as you age decide to settle for whatever man you can get. So let me go ahead and burst your bubble: Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist, but Mr. Perfect for you just might. However if you’re to stuck on an arbitrary list of “must haves” you just may miss him. As cliche as it has become that 80/20 rule is real. Learn it. Accept it. And find a man who fits it.
3. You’re Too I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T.
Yes I get it. You got your own house. You got your own car. Two jobs, work hard, you a bad broad. Got it. But newsflash: No one cares. A truly independent woman doesn’t go around waving that ish like a flag. A real independent woman knows she doesn’t need a man, but is honest about the fact that she wants one. She understands that she needs or at the very least wants a man to fulfill those soft needs: companionship, love, support. She’s not running around shouting how she doesn’t need no man. She knows only insecure women do that. Unfortunately too many black women have been hollering that they don’t need a man for so long that the men might actually believe you.
4. You’re Desperate
Desperation is not pretty or desirable and men can smell it a mile away. Yes having a marriage and family may be important to you, but it can’t be your sole focus in life. Desperation also leaves you open to making bad man decisions and being taken advantage of. And I don’t care how fine you are there aren’t too many men who are going to want to deal with you if before you even know their last name you’re planning the wedding and deciding on baby names. Relax. If you put in the work and be patient your Mr. Right for You will come along and you really will be able to live happily ever after.
5. You’re Too Busy With Mr. Right Now
Yes I understand Mr. Ten Inch Penis is a professional back breaker, but sexing hm isn’t going to help you find a husband. As a matter of fact sexing him will be a major distraction in your quest to find a husband. Instead of being out on a date your in for the night with Mr. Ten Inch Penis. If you manage to make it out on a date, you’re thinking about how you’re going to call Mr. Ten Inch Penis when you get home. If you meet a nice guy out and about you’re wondering if he’s going to be as great in bed as Mr. Ten Inch Penis. See the problem?
When you’re the market for a husband, your casual sex days should be over. You should save the goodies for the men you are in a committed monogamous relationship with that is leading toward marriage. And yes I recognize some folk can sex Mr. Ten Inch Penis and still manage to find a husband. But just like some folk can study with the tv on and still get an A, it’s the exception not the rule. It’s also not about being prudish, it’s just that good sex is a distraction. Good sex will have you keep a man around well past his expiration date. So instead of dating and vetting the men you meet to see if they are good husband material, you get caught up with Mr. Ten Inch Penis, getting your back broke on a regular basis, only to wake up six months later with a yeast infection and a hurt back looking at him at like “I don’t even like your ass.”
6. You Don’t Know When to Let Go
And this one is the biggie. You have to know when to let a man go, and it’s much easier to do this at the beginning of a relationship then at the end. Too many women are holding on to men who have made it abundantly clear they have no intention of marrying them. Contrary to popular belief wearing a man down is not a marriage strategy. It is a fool’s strategy though. Wasting all of your best years on a man in hopes that he will realize you’re a “down ass bitch” and he should go ahead and put a ring on it? Yeah. I’ll pass.
A secure woman doesn’t need a man to validate her worth. She knows she’s worthy and is deserving of a man who recognizes that as well. She’s not going to waste her time on a man who demonstrates early that his values aren’t aligned with hers. Nor will she spend time with a man who doesn’t even think enough of her to put a title on it, let alone a ring. Keep it moving. At the end of the day it is much easier to find a man who wants to marry you then trying to convince one who doesn’t that he should.
Very nice. I’m tellin’ you, you should write a book.
lol. Thanks hon. You still owe me a phone cal:-)
I know I’m late but I loved this one. Had to tweet about it too!
Write a book? No shade either. Dead serious. I can’t stop reading your blogs. This advice is SO true!
LOL. Thanx! You’re ’bout the umpteenth person to tell me that. I never really had a dream to write a book – but it’s def something to think about.